Faith of a Mustard Seed

A couple years ago, my mom surprised me with a gift. There was no special occasion for it. It was just something she saw on her trip to Israel that spoke my name to her.

Upon presenting it to me she said,

“I see nothing but faith in you.”

I don’t believe, for me at least, there is a better compliment one could receive. This compliment came at the most Godly time. Just after my faith was near non-existent.

A few months before receiving this thoughtful gift, I was trying desperately to help my daughter manage her anxiety. After many different doctor appointments, acupuncture, medications, and natural attempts for help, she finally decided she needed to go to a mental health facility. Upon their assessment, they accepted her. As hard as it was to leave her there, it was the best decision we ever made, and I thank God for it. It was our last hope and it led to the right doctor and the right medication.

After returning home without her, I came into my house to a phone call. It was the facility telling me what they estimated the amount of her bill to be. The amount was in the thousands, and along with every other medical bill we had coming in daily, it overwhelmed me. I had no choice, though. This really was the last thing that might help her, even if it meant not having any idea how we would pay.

I hung up the phone and walked into the living room. It was there that I dropped to my knees with uncontrollable tears. I felt many things towards God in that moment, but mostly I felt His absence. I had been feeling it for a while especially since my prayers for help and healing for her didn’t seem to be answered.

My mom was right. I was a woman of strong faith, at least I thought I was. However, during that moment, the only faith I had was the size of a mustard seed. I reached into that faith and grabbed hold of it tight, squeezing as much out of it as I could. I prayed for the hundredth time that night, admitting to God my anger at Him, my lack of faith, questioning where He had been. I repeated the words of Jesus back to Him from Matthew 17:20: (honestly, I was really reminding myself)

“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Before that experience, I had thought I had a strong faith, but until something happens to test it, you really don’t know.

The beautiful and wonderful words of Jesus are enough to move mountains. Know that whatever you may be going through, have faith, even if it is faith the size of a mustard seed. After all, mustard seeds grow into strong trees.

Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field.Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.” Matthew 13:31-32